worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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