and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
