I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
