someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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