who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize