The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
