ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
