whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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