No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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