I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
