But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
