weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
