I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
