i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
