Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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