Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
