last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
