Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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