you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
