Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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