Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
