Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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