I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
