In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
