Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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