Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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