his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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