My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
