im having a threesome with these popsicles
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I wear drunk well.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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