I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
