Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
