I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
