I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
