Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
