I'll bet she douches with gravy.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
There r osticjed everywhere
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
