No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
