Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
