I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
there's paper in my vomit.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
