Where did you get a picture of my penis
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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