What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
