Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Oh god it's open bar.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
