I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
