What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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