your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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