Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
