It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
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