She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
