I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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