I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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