I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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