he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
