That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I wear drunk well.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
