that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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