Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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