Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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