I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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