Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
