The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
