It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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